I thought we were done

I thought all the potty training in my house had come to an end. I was sadly mistaken. :(

Evan Grace is putting Hannah on the potty. Isaac is holding Eben Ace with her bottle. I guess she's waiting her turn. A close up of Hannah miraculously using the potty! I mean she's only a few weeks old!
Evan Grace the proud mom, helping her baby if she needs it. I just like how the hat is folded and then placed on top of Hannah's head!

Our zoo trip.

We had a really great time at the zoo with some of the mom's from church. I was so happy that my buddy Erin and her two kids got to ride with us. Here some pics!

This is Evan Grace showing up how the Lions were sleeping! Isaac and Evan Grace looking at the Lemer's
It was sooo hot. Evan Grace liked the melted ice pack that Erin put on her head!
Why do my kids always NOT look at the camera? Or look sad? Austin on the other hand looks great!
Isaac and Austin digging.

Today I had my heart discerned.

Okay, it was three days ago, on Wednesday, but I'm just trying to make a point. The bible clearly says, "Judge not least ye be judge." BUT the Bible also says, 'You shall judge a tree by it's fruit.' I've always been hung up on these two verses and exactly how they work together. Judging a person is making up your mind on their heart issues. For example, 'They must not be a christian or they wouldn't have done that.' Or more recently what happened to me when someone remarked that I was walking in unforgiveness, when they didn't know the whole situation.

So what does it mean to judge a tree by it's fruit? If you're not supposed to judge, why use the word judge here? Here's my take on it and how I understand it. If a tree is producing apples I can pretty much assume it's an apple tree. If the tree is producing pecan's then I can say with complete confidence that it's a pecan tree. You with me so far? ;) I knew you were. Soooo, if a person's life is not producing the fruit of the spirit, (faithfulness, kindness, goodness, self-control, etc) then it's safe to say that person may not know Christ. That's not judging the heart, it's taking stock of what that person's life is producing and we clearly have the right to do that. We do it with our children quicker than we do it with anyone else, or even for ourselves. My oldest daughter (Mackenzie) isn't allowed to spend the night with certain girls her age, because all I hear out of those girls mouth's is boy talk and who's cute and who they want to date. Their fruit is totally strung around guys. Mackenzie is barely 12 and that's not what kind of seeds or fruit I want planted, or growing in my daughter.

What's my point in all this? Since my walk with Christ has increased tremendously over the past two years I've tried to walk a straight line between, not judging people's hearts, but watching the evidence of their fruit dictate to me if this is a go or a no. Now, to have someone I trusted discern my heart in an ugly manner really bothers me and throws me for a loop. You can't disguise discernment/judging underneath, "I'm your friend so I can just spit it out there." It's wrong, no matter how you cut it.

On a happier note, I feel the HS is dropping the word 'reinvent' into my heart at every turn. I've being exercising, and taking better care of myself, (despite the hives and allergy/colds that I can't seem to shake). I've been getting more time to myself here lately as well. Not much but I'll take whatever I can get. I feel like this is a new beginning for me. That I'm going to keep the things I like from the past few years about me, get rid of the stuff I don't' like and better develop my backbone. My most recent bosses really tried to break it and now I've got to spend some time building that back up. :) It's working and I'm in love with this word, 'reinvent.' When's the last time you reinvented yourself?

I'm mad

I'm not sure why it still gets to me. But I my anger at somethings that have taken place the past few months is only seeming to grow. So I thought I'd blog it and hope to vent and see if that helps. Everyone pray AC doesn't see this and narc again because she can't handle it. Let's jump in shall we?

They are stuck up, none-love showing people. They take advantage of those around them and think they can force people into doing things their way without asking them.

This isn't going in the right direction. I'm going to start over.

I was part of their click, and then when I had my head examined and eyes opened, realized I no longer wanted to be a part of their judgemental, dictator, controlling things just to control group I got out. In love I got out. I didn't just up and quit. I didn't shot off at the mouth and storm out like I SOOOOO wanted to. I smiled and told them, they had to do what was best for them, but I needed my hours cut back and when they didn't like it and started looking for someone else...(who's a joke by the way) I silently breathed a sigh of relief. You should have seen the look on his face though, when he thought he dropped the bomb and I calmly looked at him and said, 'It is what is isn't and if it works it works and if not that's fine too!'
You mean Jessica doesn't want to be a part of the best ministry team on earth? I could see clearly stamped into his forehead as some kind of flashing neon skin light. No, she doesn't, because guess what....it's NOT the most important ministry out there, not even close. How many people have they turned away by not showing them love and compassion? I know the count, I was there for almost two years. I SAW the count. That's an important ministry? Surly you jest!!!

But now I'm treated as an outsider. And on some level I'm okay with that, but when my kids are pulled in to it I'm not. So very very not! Am I just blowing up, am I letting this eat at me when I should already be over it?

They've really hurt me, never have I been treated like this with anyone on ANY CHURCH STAFF! and I'm just amazed that a church this big can have people on their payroll that are this ugly to other church members. They are very creative and that's wonderful but that's where it ends completely!!!!!

Ugh, I just don't know what to do anymore. Coming in with a smile and a hi isn't cutting it.

Hives

I've never been stricken with hives until the past two years. It all started when I used those window markers to draw a picture on our glass front door proclaiming we were heading to the beach in a week. Boy, were those hives bad. But nonetheless they were cleared up in two days and that was the end of it. Until Friday, that is. Then they came back. Sneaky like this time. Starting out on the palm of my hands and wrists and then they just exploded everywhere!!! So I've been taking meds like crazy, they've been knocking me out, and the hives have been fighting back. I still have them on my hands (that's got to be the worst place for me) and my back. They clear up for a few hours and then spring back to life as if to say, 'No, we haven't forgotten about you we're just in to false hope!'. Isn't that sweet?

On top of it all I still have this dry cough that I fear is going to turn into something life threatening and I can't deal with that right now, because Matt is still trying to find a job, and the two younger kids are going through weird stages right now. Evan Grace is a shadow, my shadow that is. 'I want hep you' is her favorite saying and while she helps alot, help from a 2 year old is a very different kind of help. Isaac, is in withdrawals from video games. Poor guy. We finished The Incredible and I told him he was on a break for a few months. He's handling it somewhat okay though, better every day. Kenzie is wanting to have people over everyday or go to someone else's house every other day and it's driving me slightly mad. I just don't remember hanging at someone's house as much as she does or wants to. But I did grow up in a small town and there weren't a lot of christian friends around. Could be the difference.

I came up with a Pray for Us picture of my 2 year olds on Wednesday nights at church. I'm going to hand them out to the parents Wed. I'm excited about it. I kind of worry though that there's going to be a backlash if 2 certain people think I'm trying to upstage them see it. Oh well. I'm going to give one to them anyway so they can see I have nothing to hide or that I don't feel like I overstepped. We'll just have to see how this one plays out.

I've got to go medicate my hives. :) Post at you later.

So I've not been here for awhile. I've been swamped with homeschooling the past few days. Getting all the grades for this year logged in and making sure we can finish this week, all of that in addition to the normal household whacky stuff I usually do has gotten me bogged down. :(

I've been kicking around this idea of having a personalized cross stitch website set up for my stuff. I've always taken pictures of the stitches I have done and I can upload them and have people order what they want and how to personalize it for them as well. Hmmmm....I just don't know if my wrist can hold up to it. This last bout with tendinitis really really messed me up and halted all stitching I was doing. Keep in mind I was stitching nearly 3 hours every night, sometimes more if I stitched while the kids were down for a nap. I don't know. We'll see. I've finished 2 bookmarks that were fun to make. One for my mom the other for my sister. I'll post the pic. They are quick and easy. I did another hummingbird for my grandmother's gravesite too. Next trip to VA in July I hope to finally get to put them on her marker.

So, yeah, maybe after this weekend I'll be able to blog more than I have been. :)

Pay it Forward

I want to get this one going. I love the idea of it.

It's a Pay it Forward for all those that read my blog.

The ones that leave a comment on this blog will get a free handmade gift from me. :) Only if they are going to pay it forward. The one I just saw, one lady made a breaded braclet with the recipent's name on it and that lady made a dress for one of her friends little girls and it just goes on and on. So, leave me a comment to let me know you're game and I'll 'pay it forward.'

Sounds like fun doesn't it?

I'm sick to my stomach

I've spend 3+ months working on the cross stitch above for a friend of mine in Virginia that I grew up with that just had her first baby. I'm getting ready to frame it and I see this little spot of pink outside of the design area but clearly inside of what's to be framed. Isaac had markers out last night coloring at the table. Guess what else he marked? I'm heartbroke and a little sick to my stomach. I'm not sure how to fix this kind of mistake. Bleach is too strong and yellow's the fabric. I can't stitch anything extra over it because it wouldn't be in line with the rest of the design. :(

Feeling sorry for myself.

~Jess

Dreams

I slept hard last night, but not deep. I kept dreaming of my grandmother that passed away last October. She and my mom came to my church. (but we had stadium seating). My grandmother was very feeble and couldn't talk, it was almost like she was senile. I sat down, closer to the stage of the church and my mom and grandma were maybe 10 or so rows up from me. They waved as they sat down, my grandmother smiled. Then flash, church was over and we're all on our way out. Grandma smiles at me as mom physically helps her out of the church and that's it. It was sad and somewhat depressing and has followed me around today. I'm not sure what to make of it. Use to be I would dream of Mackenzie's biological father when I was stressed out and upset. We would never talk but he was always in the background hanging over me.

I'm sure my subconscious mind was trying to soothe it's self from yesterday's events. Getting fired/downsized from a job you liked to do but didn't like the people you did it for is still upsetting.

Today has been very freeing though. I'm somewhat dreading that I have to work one more day. But I'll get through it and it'll be just fine.

On a side note, Isaac's has another doc. appointment Thursday at 2:45 and Evan Grace goes to the doc the following week for vaccinations. She was so sick turning her well baby check-ups that we're way off schedule. Poor things, are going to be mad at me when it's all over.

Hmmmm

I finally finished my hedgehog cross stitch for Love Quits Sunday night. YEAH! After two round of bad tendonitis I was finally able to finish the last few stitches I had without any wrist pain! I'm trying to finish a baby sampler I started a few months ago for my friend Jessica (what a great name) back home. She just had her first baby and I can't wait for her to see the stitch. :)

Heres the one I just finished. Isn't it cute???

You have to put your name and state at the bottom so the child that gets the quilt of all the stitched squares can see how many people have pitched in to help and where they are from. Awwwww!

Websites

Today, I think I'm going to do some work on my husband's myspace page for his dojo. It looks a little boring and I think adding in a few slideshow's of the dojo and action shots there will make it look better. Don't you? ;) I'll post on here so that when I'm done you peeps can check it out. :)

Did I get....Fired?

Those that know me, know where I work. Know that it's part-time. Know that I don't HAVE to work for the money. So when I told my bosses I needed to cut back my hours for family matters and such I wasn't too shocked when they said they would just start looking for someone else. But it was the reaction from them, when I didn't get all bent out of shape or change my mind when they said that that was really surprising. They had no idea that I wasn't and wouldn't be in the least upset about not working for them anymore. It's arrogance on their part. I have to do what is best for me and mine. Not what's best for them and their career of choice.

It was all left hanging in limbo. "Do what you can the rest of April and then I'll get back together with you then and see where to go from there." Think that ever happened? No. Today was to have been my last day. Was it ever discussed? Every brought up? Ever even thought about on their part? Eh.....no. They acted as if nothing had ever happened. I was somewhat sadden by that. I would like for them to find a replacement. But with some of the other things happening at home right now it's better that I keep this job until some other things are stable. It's not like I'm bring in the money hand over fist or anything. But it is income on some level.

I'm discouraged. I'm irratated and part of me still just wants to dump the whole thing and say, thanks for the opportunity and if you ever find someone to take my place (yeah......right) then I'll be happy to train them if you like. Who knows how this mess with end or if ever?

Isaac and Evan Grace were dedicated 1st service this past Sunday. It's about time right? Matt came around to the whole idea of it easily enough. :)

Will update more later. Time to get the little ones in bed.