Friday, September 26, 2008


I didn't realize the dust that would have kicked up given the last post of mine. Please, if I've got you listed on my links on my blog page then chances are I'm cool with you and the link to my page if you want to keep it there. Lisa B, Lisa W, Erin and all the others listed please, don't think I was refering to any of you all. I promise. I'll have to think a little more carefully before I blow off stream again!!! Sorry everyone. I'm very flattered that anyone would want to link to my blog on their own and I guess that should have been enough.

See you all soon.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

It's gettin', It's gettin'

It's gettin', it's gettin' it's gettin' kinda hectic. Oh how I hate that song, but OHHHHH how it's my life right now.

What to say next, what to do next, when to plan that and start that and did I finish that because I have to take it over to so and so's. Ugh. I feel like the chicken when her head cut off.

School is fine for Kenzie and Isaac, they are both doing well, if at not driving me nuts with how quick they are picking things up. Church is great, now that we're at another Campus (thank God for that I was on the edge of going to Pastor over the horrendous things and I just wasn't comfortable with that, maybe when all the hurt the others throw at me dies down, then I will)

Matt's job is rocking. Raise and promotion already. We're getting ready to head out to VA tomorrow for a family reunion kind of thing on Sat. Looking forward to that, but not looking forward to the drive there and back.

Things are going well, just busy and I can't seem to keep my head above water, let alone swim to shore.

I Is it because I can never have aything other than my kids (somewhat) to myself anymore? Maybe because I can never turn around without crap jumping up in front of my face and saying, 'remember me....remember how I screwed you over and made you out to be a horrible person in front of others, remember how I told lies about you? and you just sat there and took it? Good times right? ' UGH!!!!!! I so just want to blow my top and let all this venom spew out and hit them square in the face. I want them to have a black mark on their face that says 'see, I'm really no better than anyone else, I'm just sneakier and more manipulative!"

I know that's wrong of me, that's why I backed out of all of it and moved myself out of the spanking that's coming to those I was 'connected to'. Not going to be a happy day for those but at least I'm protected and out of the way. Thank you God for showing me how to get out gracefully to avoid that situation. For those that are still in it, I pray God's protection even more so. Trial by association is sometimes harder and more confusing than trial by your own sin.

On a good note, Matt's cleared me (yes I know) to get my nose pierced again. YEAH!!! Hopefully he'll like it better this time around. We've been looking at getting matching tattoos. We're thinking I'd have one part of the tattoo and he'd have the other connecting half. We're kicking around ideas and maybe when I get back from VA we can settle on something and go and get it done. It's been too long since I've been inked and jonesing is no longer the right word for how badly I want another one!!!!

I'm off to pack, there's too much to be done and I really shouldn't even be going to VA, but it'll be a good trip and when I get back....maybe I'll have reached shore.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Kiss

I've been in love with this painting since my first year in college when I took Art Appreciation. I never thought I would ever own a copy. My husband's boss gifted him with this after Matt asked about the pricing. :) Isn't it grand? Isaac thinks it Matt and I and wants to know why my eyes are closed and why my hair is red! I'm so in love with this that we're going to redecorate out bedroom around it! Thank you Gustav Klmit for sharing your beauty.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Broken Glass

Isn't this gorgeous? Not only the way it's put together but the thought behind it, that we're all made up of broken pieces, fragile as glass, but can be put back together! Ohhhh....I love the two sculptures.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I'm going.....are you???

We just got our tickets today!!!!!! I'm sooooo excited. Now all I have to do is wait for Dec 6th!!!!!!! Did I mention we're FRONT STAGE?????

I've got portable sounds to lift me up, portable sounds to take me higher, so don't even try to get in my head!!!!! I'll see you in Dec Toby!!!!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Falling backwards

It was a somewhat usually Sunday for us. Two of the kids didn't feel well this morning and after being up until 3 in the morning last night Matt and I were all for everyone sleeping in. So once everyone woke up and breakfast was done, we all fell into our usual routines. Matt playing video games with Isaac, Ev helping me do laundry and Kenzie on the computer and doing her pre-teen stuff.

Then I took a phone call and with one comment I had a ton of memories (from out of nowhere) hit me like a ton of bricks. The phone call was great, it wasn't the conversation itself that was bad, just the memories resurfacing that took me back.

It's been so many years, I had no idea I was still affected by past events. I thought I had slain those demons. Yet, not. So what to do. Do I let the memories and emotions overtake me again, or do I keep repressing and try to distract myself, because I thought I had honestly let the past go. Why am I always 3 steps forward and 10 steps back?

Maybe I should blog about it in more detail, maybe I should check out for a few days, try to regroup on my own again so I can give 100% to everyone in my life. Maybe I didn't face down the right demons. Maybe I'll never be able too.

I'm just a statistic....I'm not the only one these things have happened too. But I feel, I'm the only one I know that's haunted by them.

Rogan...where are you when I need you?

Friday, September 5, 2008

Evan Grace's haircut

No, we didn't take her anywhere for this hair cut! Nor did we have to pay for it. She quietly slipped into the bathroom and took matters into her own hands. Thank God it was just the one chunk in the front. She'll be wearing a comb over for awhile!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Isn't this comforting?

I took one of those online quizes that I went looking for last night, trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I don't much care for what the end result was. ~Jess

If you scored... 38 & up Severe anxiety
23 - 37 Moderate anxiety
6- 22 Mild to little anxiety
0 - 5 No anxiety

Results of yourAnxiety Screening Quiz
You scored a total of 38

Based upon your responses to this screening measure, you are most likely suffering from an anxiety disorder. Your responses are similar to others who experience severe anxiety symptoms. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, if would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible anxiety disorder. The most common anxiety disorders diagnosed are either panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder.