Sunday, September 7, 2008

Falling backwards

It was a somewhat usually Sunday for us. Two of the kids didn't feel well this morning and after being up until 3 in the morning last night Matt and I were all for everyone sleeping in. So once everyone woke up and breakfast was done, we all fell into our usual routines. Matt playing video games with Isaac, Ev helping me do laundry and Kenzie on the computer and doing her pre-teen stuff.

Then I took a phone call and with one comment I had a ton of memories (from out of nowhere) hit me like a ton of bricks. The phone call was great, it wasn't the conversation itself that was bad, just the memories resurfacing that took me back.

It's been so many years, I had no idea I was still affected by past events. I thought I had slain those demons. Yet, not. So what to do. Do I let the memories and emotions overtake me again, or do I keep repressing and try to distract myself, because I thought I had honestly let the past go. Why am I always 3 steps forward and 10 steps back?

Maybe I should blog about it in more detail, maybe I should check out for a few days, try to regroup on my own again so I can give 100% to everyone in my life. Maybe I didn't face down the right demons. Maybe I'll never be able too.

I'm just a statistic....I'm not the only one these things have happened too. But I feel, I'm the only one I know that's haunted by them.

Rogan...where are you when I need you?

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