Frustrations!!!!!

Shall I list them all? Sure....here we go

1. My dog (whom I use to love) chewed through one of my best bra's yesterday while we were out shopping (through the wire she chewed!!!!)
2. The rabbit we are pet sitting (Rutger) chewed through the wire of Mackenzie's new, expensive CD player and we can't find a replacement ac adapter!!!!
3. I'm at a standstill with my weight loss :(
4. I fall off my emotional cliff every Sunday after church and end up with a monster headache
5. Isaac no longer wants to go back to his class on Sundays at church (I don't blame him, the room is only big enough for 10 people and they are cramming 15+ in there)
6. I'm in a desperate need of having another baby and my husband is still saying 'lets wait a little longer!'
7. I can't shake the feeling that I'm stuck in something that's going to take awhile to get out of
8. I haven't heard anything back on my novel! Good or bad!

I'm so pitiful aren't I?????

But on a good note, (It's a shorter list but I'm going to be positive)

1. The first week of the homeschool year has gone great.
2. I HAVE lost weight and got a tan!!!
3. I'm still digging my new hair cut
4. I've gotten some really nice new pieces of jewelry
5. I'm learning who my closest friends really really are! (I love you Erin, Brie,Leisha, Dottie & Roxanne!!!!)

And on an entirely different note, Matt's birthday was today! He's 34.....Happy, happy birthday baby!The kids and I picked out IronMan plates and cups and birthday banner for the party. I'll have to post the pics of them when I upload the pictures. The cake was a little girly but it's the only yellow cake Nancy (at Cakes Etc) had and I didn't plan enough in advance to get one ordered! We had fun. Matt's request for his birthday dinner was Meatloaf (I must make a really great one if someone, anyone, wants to eat it for their birthday meal!) mashed potatoes and broccoli and cheese! That was easy! Next up is Evan Grace's birthday and we'll be done with birthday's until next year. We're going to take her to Build A Bear and I don't know what else.

There's my joys and woe's. I've got to get more regular in updating this thing now that I'm home from vacation. But don't hold your breath.

~Lady J

For my Enigma (Matt)

A/N(square poem, 7 syllables, 7 lines)
For my Enigma

It’s the feel of fingertips
Lightly caressing my face.
A longing gaze from green eyes
Breathing life into my dreams.
Enigma of heart and soul.
What will I do with this love
Complete now only in dreams?

Out of the dark you call me,
Help me face what’s never seen.
With hands so strong and secure
A heart so full of laughter
Smiles so brightly on your face
Whatever souls are made of
Yours and mine are from the same

Pounding hearts are synchronized
Mind and body so alike
Dare I follow where you go?
Can I risk not having you?
We want, need, but ache alone
One obstruction in our way,
Miles between my heart and yours.

I wrote this for my hubby, whom at the time was my long distance boyfriend. :D

Wipe away my face

Too far away to beat the odds,
danger prancing at my feet.
Devil slides in with an evil grin,
looking like all I ever wanted.
Gotta shove off, keep it at bay,
traps open up too easy.
Not much point in breathing,
still I keep it up.
Someone always there to take my place,
clean up the mess,
wipe away my face.



This is an old one, I found it today while cleaning out my computer files. I had totally forgotten about this one!

July Trip to VA

We were in Virginia for almost two weeks recently. We just got home 3 days ago. It was a fun trip. My dad took the kids fishing (the younger two) for the first time. They loved it. I shopped, rested and now I'm geared up for the new school year. Here's some pic of the fun the kids had while there.

I can't believe Mackenzie wanted to rock climb!!!

And sure enough, here she is doing a fine job of it. She's only tw ofeet off the ground but you'd never know by looking at this picture. :D
Evan Grace catching her first Pumpkin Seed fish ever!!!
Isaac catching his first Blue Gill fish ever!!!! (with a Spiderman fishing pole no less)
Awwwww! They was like the 5th or 6th fish by now.
They had a really great time. It made me think of the times my dad took Vanessa and I fishing while growing up to the same Lake. Things haven't changed all that much back home.

Kenzie's 12th Birthday party!

Some pictures from Kenzie's birthday bash/sleepover party. Here's a brand new purse from Rose.

A Rhino Webkins from Samantha.
Nail Art set from mom and dad. They used it that night and loved it.
Here they are using it.
THis is what Isaac thinks of the whole birthday party/sleepover!
The goodie table.

The Birthday cake
Pigging Out
AFTER the pigging out.
A Pink Nintendo DS from mom and dad!

More dreams

I'm not sure if I'm stressed, worried, sad, lonely, or what but I find myself dreaming about my grandmother a couple of times a week now. My last dream was Wednesday night. And it wasn't even really about her. My dreams are about us cleaning out her house (not the apartment she moved into years before her death, but the house she owned my entire life before she moved). It's always about the other neglecting to clean out a piece of furniture, and sometimes it's furniture that she never owned in real life, just in my dream. In the dream I'm frustrated, hurt and angry by the fact that the others (my mom and her siblings) will not listen to me or really let me help with anything. Most of it was done before I got there (in my dream and in real life). I still harbor a lot of upset over my grandmother's passing. Not just that she passed but how I was kept in the dark about a lot of things. All because I lived 6 hours away and had kids to take care. I feel like I've been denied certain things to help deal with her passing, that everyone else was granted because they were there to help her and each other as she grew worse.

I don't want this to come off morbid but the last time I saw my grandmother she was obviously sick, but she could still sit up and talk to me and the kids. I remember Isaac had just gotten a pair of Spiderman tennis shoes, that when you walk they light up. So he stood in front of her and stomped his feet to show her the lights. Evan Grace, always a shadow, had on her black dress shoes, and she started stomping her feet, giggling. Grandma was very impressed with them. :)
We hugged, and kissed goodbye. And that was it. To go from that to her funeral 2 and a half months later was a leap for me, even though I got reports on how her health was getting worse, I was never told all the details. I don't know how to get passed this part. I don't mind dreaming about my grandmother but I want it to be good dreams, not dreams that leave me upset or frustrated. Not dreams that have me thinking of all the bad things days later.

I thought we were done

I thought all the potty training in my house had come to an end. I was sadly mistaken. :(

Evan Grace is putting Hannah on the potty. Isaac is holding Eben Ace with her bottle. I guess she's waiting her turn. A close up of Hannah miraculously using the potty! I mean she's only a few weeks old!
Evan Grace the proud mom, helping her baby if she needs it. I just like how the hat is folded and then placed on top of Hannah's head!

Our zoo trip.

We had a really great time at the zoo with some of the mom's from church. I was so happy that my buddy Erin and her two kids got to ride with us. Here some pics!

This is Evan Grace showing up how the Lions were sleeping! Isaac and Evan Grace looking at the Lemer's
It was sooo hot. Evan Grace liked the melted ice pack that Erin put on her head!
Why do my kids always NOT look at the camera? Or look sad? Austin on the other hand looks great!
Isaac and Austin digging.

Today I had my heart discerned.

Okay, it was three days ago, on Wednesday, but I'm just trying to make a point. The bible clearly says, "Judge not least ye be judge." BUT the Bible also says, 'You shall judge a tree by it's fruit.' I've always been hung up on these two verses and exactly how they work together. Judging a person is making up your mind on their heart issues. For example, 'They must not be a christian or they wouldn't have done that.' Or more recently what happened to me when someone remarked that I was walking in unforgiveness, when they didn't know the whole situation.

So what does it mean to judge a tree by it's fruit? If you're not supposed to judge, why use the word judge here? Here's my take on it and how I understand it. If a tree is producing apples I can pretty much assume it's an apple tree. If the tree is producing pecan's then I can say with complete confidence that it's a pecan tree. You with me so far? ;) I knew you were. Soooo, if a person's life is not producing the fruit of the spirit, (faithfulness, kindness, goodness, self-control, etc) then it's safe to say that person may not know Christ. That's not judging the heart, it's taking stock of what that person's life is producing and we clearly have the right to do that. We do it with our children quicker than we do it with anyone else, or even for ourselves. My oldest daughter (Mackenzie) isn't allowed to spend the night with certain girls her age, because all I hear out of those girls mouth's is boy talk and who's cute and who they want to date. Their fruit is totally strung around guys. Mackenzie is barely 12 and that's not what kind of seeds or fruit I want planted, or growing in my daughter.

What's my point in all this? Since my walk with Christ has increased tremendously over the past two years I've tried to walk a straight line between, not judging people's hearts, but watching the evidence of their fruit dictate to me if this is a go or a no. Now, to have someone I trusted discern my heart in an ugly manner really bothers me and throws me for a loop. You can't disguise discernment/judging underneath, "I'm your friend so I can just spit it out there." It's wrong, no matter how you cut it.

On a happier note, I feel the HS is dropping the word 'reinvent' into my heart at every turn. I've being exercising, and taking better care of myself, (despite the hives and allergy/colds that I can't seem to shake). I've been getting more time to myself here lately as well. Not much but I'll take whatever I can get. I feel like this is a new beginning for me. That I'm going to keep the things I like from the past few years about me, get rid of the stuff I don't' like and better develop my backbone. My most recent bosses really tried to break it and now I've got to spend some time building that back up. :) It's working and I'm in love with this word, 'reinvent.' When's the last time you reinvented yourself?

I'm mad

I'm not sure why it still gets to me. But I my anger at somethings that have taken place the past few months is only seeming to grow. So I thought I'd blog it and hope to vent and see if that helps. Everyone pray AC doesn't see this and narc again because she can't handle it. Let's jump in shall we?

They are stuck up, none-love showing people. They take advantage of those around them and think they can force people into doing things their way without asking them.

This isn't going in the right direction. I'm going to start over.

I was part of their click, and then when I had my head examined and eyes opened, realized I no longer wanted to be a part of their judgemental, dictator, controlling things just to control group I got out. In love I got out. I didn't just up and quit. I didn't shot off at the mouth and storm out like I SOOOOO wanted to. I smiled and told them, they had to do what was best for them, but I needed my hours cut back and when they didn't like it and started looking for someone else...(who's a joke by the way) I silently breathed a sigh of relief. You should have seen the look on his face though, when he thought he dropped the bomb and I calmly looked at him and said, 'It is what is isn't and if it works it works and if not that's fine too!'
You mean Jessica doesn't want to be a part of the best ministry team on earth? I could see clearly stamped into his forehead as some kind of flashing neon skin light. No, she doesn't, because guess what....it's NOT the most important ministry out there, not even close. How many people have they turned away by not showing them love and compassion? I know the count, I was there for almost two years. I SAW the count. That's an important ministry? Surly you jest!!!

But now I'm treated as an outsider. And on some level I'm okay with that, but when my kids are pulled in to it I'm not. So very very not! Am I just blowing up, am I letting this eat at me when I should already be over it?

They've really hurt me, never have I been treated like this with anyone on ANY CHURCH STAFF! and I'm just amazed that a church this big can have people on their payroll that are this ugly to other church members. They are very creative and that's wonderful but that's where it ends completely!!!!!

Ugh, I just don't know what to do anymore. Coming in with a smile and a hi isn't cutting it.

Hives

I've never been stricken with hives until the past two years. It all started when I used those window markers to draw a picture on our glass front door proclaiming we were heading to the beach in a week. Boy, were those hives bad. But nonetheless they were cleared up in two days and that was the end of it. Until Friday, that is. Then they came back. Sneaky like this time. Starting out on the palm of my hands and wrists and then they just exploded everywhere!!! So I've been taking meds like crazy, they've been knocking me out, and the hives have been fighting back. I still have them on my hands (that's got to be the worst place for me) and my back. They clear up for a few hours and then spring back to life as if to say, 'No, we haven't forgotten about you we're just in to false hope!'. Isn't that sweet?

On top of it all I still have this dry cough that I fear is going to turn into something life threatening and I can't deal with that right now, because Matt is still trying to find a job, and the two younger kids are going through weird stages right now. Evan Grace is a shadow, my shadow that is. 'I want hep you' is her favorite saying and while she helps alot, help from a 2 year old is a very different kind of help. Isaac, is in withdrawals from video games. Poor guy. We finished The Incredible and I told him he was on a break for a few months. He's handling it somewhat okay though, better every day. Kenzie is wanting to have people over everyday or go to someone else's house every other day and it's driving me slightly mad. I just don't remember hanging at someone's house as much as she does or wants to. But I did grow up in a small town and there weren't a lot of christian friends around. Could be the difference.

I came up with a Pray for Us picture of my 2 year olds on Wednesday nights at church. I'm going to hand them out to the parents Wed. I'm excited about it. I kind of worry though that there's going to be a backlash if 2 certain people think I'm trying to upstage them see it. Oh well. I'm going to give one to them anyway so they can see I have nothing to hide or that I don't feel like I overstepped. We'll just have to see how this one plays out.

I've got to go medicate my hives. :) Post at you later.

So I've not been here for awhile. I've been swamped with homeschooling the past few days. Getting all the grades for this year logged in and making sure we can finish this week, all of that in addition to the normal household whacky stuff I usually do has gotten me bogged down. :(

I've been kicking around this idea of having a personalized cross stitch website set up for my stuff. I've always taken pictures of the stitches I have done and I can upload them and have people order what they want and how to personalize it for them as well. Hmmmm....I just don't know if my wrist can hold up to it. This last bout with tendinitis really really messed me up and halted all stitching I was doing. Keep in mind I was stitching nearly 3 hours every night, sometimes more if I stitched while the kids were down for a nap. I don't know. We'll see. I've finished 2 bookmarks that were fun to make. One for my mom the other for my sister. I'll post the pic. They are quick and easy. I did another hummingbird for my grandmother's gravesite too. Next trip to VA in July I hope to finally get to put them on her marker.

So, yeah, maybe after this weekend I'll be able to blog more than I have been. :)